To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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