just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
