Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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