It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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