The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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