Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
