you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
