I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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