Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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