Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
