WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
