So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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