Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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