you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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