I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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