You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
