Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
she looked like the before picture.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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