I'm so fucking centered right now
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
