well I can't set my house on fire every night
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
