I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
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