I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
