so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
