I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
