you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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