Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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