Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
