oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
