every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
