Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
