I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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