your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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