I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I am puke
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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