A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
