can we get nightvision for the apartment?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
