I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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