sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
