Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
