Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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