i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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