I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
