when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
