Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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