you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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