I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
