No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize