she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
