well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Randomize
