theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
