i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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