how hairy? two words: wookie tits
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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