I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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