Whod you bang
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize