I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
