I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
