Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Your penis caused this!
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
