i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
