We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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