i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
