mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
