i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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