If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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