took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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