Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
