Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
