....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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