I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
