Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
