So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I wear drunk well.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
