maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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