I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
