we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You pole danced in your parka.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
