shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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