Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
