Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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