She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
