yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
