i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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